


penance

by neonsign



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 06:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10430796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonsign/pseuds/neonsign
Summary: Their first night together, Robin kisses Gaius’s tattoo. Sits on his lap and worships the ugly little brand like it’s worth anything. The hand around Gaius’s wrist, holding it there, marked in its own way. Gaius stares and six eyes stare back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. idk if it's clear but the discussion with maribelle is the beginning of their B Support. robin asking about the grimleal is directly from the game, too. their "i see" always stood out to me
> 
> 2\. gaius is sculpting [amezaiku](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amezaiku)
> 
> 3\. idk if there's anything in canon that contradicts what i wrote here, but to me it makes sense that they would recognize robin as plegian right off the bat, but also that ylisseans wouldn't know much about plegia and/or grimleal worship other than they're The Big Bad. like in henry and ricken's support

Their first night together, Robin kisses Gaius’s tattoo. Sits on his lap and worships the ugly little brand like it’s worth anything. It starts a trail that ends at his fingers, which he takes into his mouth. The hand around Gaius’s wrist, holding it there, marked in its own way. Gaius stares and six eyes stare back.

That tattoo was once the topic of discussion while everyone sat around the campfire – a discussion Robin didn’t take much part in. They didn’t get much further than coming to the conclusion it’s Plegian like him (“Seen those eyes on some of their mages,” Sully says. “Like those on your coat.”) before he got another of his migraines and excused himself. No one really talked about it much after that. Not for any sinister reason – just because Robin is Robin and nothing else matters.

After a bit of a struggle to get there, he grants that same favour to Gaius. Maybe he’s not ready to show everyone in the camp the tattoo he got for being convicted, but there in Robin’s room, between the two of them, nothing else matters.

Somewhere in the back of his head that curiosity is still there, rekindled when he catches sight of those six eyes again. It’s just hard to focus on it while watching Robin suck his fingers.

“You got a real pretty mouth, Bubbles, you know that?”

Laughing in the back of his throat, Robin leans in close, bracing himself with a hand against the headboard. All to give a good view of the way he parts his lips and sticks his tongue out for Gaius to rub.

Of course he knows. A smart tactician like him? He knows all the angles, all the weapons at his disposal. When he moves under the guise of getting more comfortable, the way he rolls his hips and grinds against Gaius’s cock – it’s all calculated.

Gaius lets his head fall back against the headboard, trying not to let anything show on his face. He takes his hand out of Robin’s mouth and slides it up his shirt, lifting it off when Robin compliantly raises his arms. His hand slides up Robin’s stomach, over his chest (No other tattoos, says a voice in his head that he definitely doesn’t notice), and to the back of his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

They’ve messed around some, sure, but from the beginning there’s been something about this time that feels different. Tonight is their last before they march to stop Emmeryn’s execution; the night before a big job is always a tense one.

“I’m real glad I was able to tear you away from work,” Gaius says. He kisses down Robin’s throat, feeling it move with a swallow. “Won’t kill you to have more fun now and then.”

“No, but a poorly devised plan might.”

Hidden in the crook of his neck, Gaius frowns but keeps it out of his voice. “That’s grim.”

“That’s reality.” Robin sighs, almost more, when Gaius grazes his teeth against his skin. His hand comes to rest on the back of his head, threading his finger through his hair to keep it there. “I really… I should get back to work.”

“You’ve been working all night,” Gaius murmurs. Whatever Robin says, he’s growing harder and he twitches when Gaius palms him. “The best plan in the world isn’t going to matter if you’re overtired.”

Robin laughs softly. “It’s not like you’re letting me get any sleep.”

“Alright, fair enough.” Gaius sits back and holds his hands up. “I guess we just stop here, then? Since you want to, I mean.”

“Wh-”

Robin falters, cheeks flushed. The corner of his mouth twitches and eventually breaks into an actual smile. A small smile, but a smile nonetheless, and a guilty one at that.

It’s hard to keep Robin off-balance for too long. He’s like a cat, always landing on his feet. Slyer and more cunning than people give him credit for, qualities that make him and Gaius one in the same. He’d make a good thief. Together, they’d be unstoppable.

Robin leans forward until their noses touch, rolling his hips again, and lowers his voice to barely more than a whisper.

“Well… maybe just a little longer.”

“Just a little?”

“That depends.” He pulls back when Gaius goes in for a kiss, but not without licking along his top lip. “How long can you keep me distracted?”

 

* * *

 

A day into Plegia’s desert and Robin starts getting quiet. Between the sun and sand, so does everyone else, but there’s something that sticks out about Robin’s silence. Only then does Gaius realize he’s paying too close attention. Casual and easy, that’s how he wants to keep this.  Maybe it’s a stupid thing to worry about after you’ve had your dick in someone, but getting too attached isn’t going to help either of them.

“Well, excuse me.”

Gaius blinks and looks around. Robin sits on the fireside log next to him, tearing a piece of meat off a skewer. “What?”

“You just said ‘stupid.’”

“Did I? Uh, that wasn’t about you. Just thinking.”

Robin watches him, chewing thoughtfully. “Everything alright?”

“I should be asking you that.” Gaius nudges him with his elbow. “You’ve been near silent all day.”

Robin tilts his head and swallows.

“Just thinking,” he says.

They stare at each other. There’s the out Gaius wants. Considerate but not concerned. That’s good. That’s fine. He should take it and run. Instead, he leans forward with his elbows on his knees and asks, “What about?”

For a moment he doesn’t think Robin’s going to answer – there’s no one else around right now but the middle of camp is hardly a private place – but he gets as far as noticing his disappointment before Robin does.

“I’m Plegian,” he says, staring down at his meat skewer. “We think. And I didn’t come from nowhere; I must’ve had friends or family that knew me. I’m just… wondering if I’ll run in to any while we’re here. Or if we already have.”

Gaius clasps his hand together and stares into the fire. Desert nights are as frigid as the days are hot; the warmth feels good. He takes a deep breath in, inhaling the woodsy scent. “Well, Plegia’s a pretty big place. We don’t even know what region you might be from. For all we do know, your mom’s somewhere in the far south, wondering where her idiot son wandered off to.”

Even though his mouth twists like he’s trying to fight it, Robin smiles. He might even laugh a little.

“I don’t know how comforting leaving here emptyhanded would be either,” he admits, digging the toe of his boot into the sand.

“I didn’t think you cared. You seem pretty over it, for the most part.”

“I am,” Robin says quickly. “Like I said, I’m just thinking. It’s no big deal.”

A small silence fills the space between them. While Robin finishes the rest of his skewer, Gaius stares into the flames and lets countless thoughts tumble over and over, polishing absolutely nothing to a shine. If anything, they’re rougher than before and meaning completely eludes him. The fire crackles and brings him back to the present just as Robin gets to his feet.

“I’m heading to bed,” he announces. “Our scouts caught word of a village up ahead and bandits not far off, so I think we’ve got quite the day ahead of us.”

“Alright. Sleep well.”

Robin doesn’t move. “Will you be joining me?”

Very invested in stoking the fire, Gaius shakes his head. “Nah, not tonight. I’ll see you in the morning though, yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course. See you.”

“See ya.”

 

* * *

 

Turning from the curious sight of Nowi, Robin says, “Beg pardon, but who are the Grimleal?”

“Followers of the fell dragon, Grima,” Frederick answers. “The selfsame dragon the first exalt defeated a thousand years ago. Even today there are some who yearn for the fiend's return.”

Something about Robin’s stance grows rigid and for the quickest moment he frowns thoughtfully. He glances at Gaius but averts his gaze the moment they make eye contact.

“I… see.”

 

* * *

 

Gaius has to shield his eyes to see Emmeryn. Way up high, hair and robe waving in the wind, she looks almost otherworldly. Especially framed against the sun. Two bright lights. She really is something else.

The hand clasped around his bloodied sword sweats, the arm shaking with – nerves, adrenaline, fatigue – he doesn’t know. He aches all over. Her words float down and feel like some kind of balm. A call to lay down his sword and Gods, would he love nothing more than to do just that.

His eyes find Robin across the courtyard. The sun shimmers against his hair like fresh snow. He looks otherwordly, too, in his own way.

Gaius hears the screams before he sees anything. Robin steps forward, more of a reaction than a plan, but Chrom makes a break for it, running as fast as his legs will carry him. Only then does Gaius look back up to the sky. And his heart stops.

 

* * *

 

Heavy steps unbefitting a thief echo down the corridor. It’s a welcome change compared to the hush that’s fallen over the place and it even feels a little good to stomp. Gaius shivers and draws his cloak about himself. Either Ylisse has always been this cold and he grew used to the desert heat, or the loss of the Exalt has manifested physically. Gods willing, it’s the former.

At the last door on the right, he raises his hand and hesitates a moment before knocking. Without waiting for an answer he pushes it open. The room is dark, lit only by a lamp on the bedside table that throws Robin, on the edge of the bed with his back to the door, into shadow. Behind him sits his travel pack, not touched since they got back.

“That was a nice speech,” Gaius says, shutting the door quietly behind himself. For all the noise he was making on the way, the atmosphere in here feels ready to shatter at the slightest pressure. The air, too, feels sharp like glass; without a fire in the hearth it’s even more frigid than the corridors. “‘If you fall, I'll be there to pull you back up. When you fight for your sister's ideals, I'll be by your side.’ Should I be jealous of Blue?”

Robin doesn’t laugh. Gaius sighs and makes his way over to sit beside him. The weight shift causes Robin to bump into his arm – until he inches away, turning his head so Gaius can’t see his face.

Instead he takes to looking around. The staff kept the place dusted while they were gone but the desk in the corner is every bit as messy as it always is, covered in empty inkwells and crumpled drafts; they know better than to touch it.

“She was a nice lady,” Gaius says. He pats his pockets and pouches, looking for something he knows is there, and sighs contentedly when he finds the cakes. They’re a little squished when he unwraps the paper, but otherwise as pretty as anything. He holds one out. “Always liked her. Never was one for nobles and royalty, but… anyway, here – apparently it’s got a chocolate filling. I know you like chocolate.”

Robin turns his head and stares at the offered cake, giving Gaius his first look at his face. He’s not crying but that could be good or bad. More than anything he just looks tired.

“How long has that been in your pocket? There was hardly anywhere in Plegia you could’ve gotten it.”

“Nah, one of the cooks gave them to me when we got back. I think she’s got a crush on me. Maybe you should be the one that’s jealous.”

“As if you’re going anywhere,” Robin bites, gently lifting the cake from his hand. He handles it like he’s afraid it’ll crumble and takes a tiny bite.

They eat in silence. By the time they’re licking icing off their fingers, Gaius finds some cookies he stole on the way here and unwraps those too. Robin shakes his head at the offer, which is fine; more for him.

The sun starts setting. From that angle, the only thing visible outside the window is a red and purple sky.

“Hey, Bubbles, I gotta ask – do you blame me?”

Robin looks around. “What?”

Gaius chews and stares down at his hands. That wasn’t supposed to come out so bluntly.

“The night before we left for Plegia… I thought you might blame me for distracting you. Like if I had let you go back to work, maybe you would’ve thought of Aversa summoning those Risen, or…” Gaius falters under Robin’s steady gaze; “or I dunno…”

Robin just stares and stares. The longest silence in the world slinks by and he takes a deep breath.

“I did at first,” he admits easily. A cold blade sinks into Gaius’s chest. “But any fault is mine alone. A couple more hours wouldn’t have changed the fact that I wasn’t enough.”

“You did your best,” Gaius says automatically.

“And it still wasn’t enough, it–” Robin’s voice wavers and he turns away. The evening sunlight turns his hair the palest pink, and it quivers when he shakes his head minutely. “I’ve never lost anyone before. I’ve never lost, period. I don’t want it to happen again, I don’t want anyone else to leave me, I… Gaius, I should’ve–”

He slaps a hand over his mouth as if it can hide the shaky gasp that slips from him. The ground falls out from under them. Gaius is frozen, watching Robin’s shoulders jolt with sobs. Reaching out feels like sticking his hand into a beehive, either to be rewarded or stung. Robin jerks away the moment he feels a touch on his shoulder but eventually comes back and leans into it. When Gaius hugs him, he lets it happen. When they fall backwards onto the bed, he buries his face in Gaius’s chest.

Gaius pets his hair and stares out the window. A flock of birds in the distance weaves this way and that, completely in sync. No words come to him and he wonders if there even are any. Might be that this is just something that has to be worked through.

Sure enough, Robin’s sobs eventually settle into nothing at all. He sniffs loudly but doesn’t move.

“Gaius,” he pleads.

“Yeah.”

“Stay with me tonight. Please?”

“You don’t even have to ask, Bubbles.”

 

* * *

 

Gangrel’s fall doesn’t bring immediate peace but it does give the Shepherds a lot more free time between putting out smaller fires here and there. Sounds like heaven, except for the fact that Robin apparently just can’t stay out of the library. More so than normal.

“Let’s go to the theatre or something.” Sitting backwards on the bench, Gaius leans back and rests his head on Robin’s book, giving him no choice but to pay attention. “Please, I’m withering away.”

“If only,” Robin mutters, shoving his face away none too gently.

“Ah, I fell for the cruelest of boys,” Gaius sighs dramatically. Eyes glued to his book, Robin snorts. Left with no other choice, Gaius sits up, turning sideways instead. “What’s the book about?”

“Various religious sects across Ylisse.”

“Reckon you could just ask Padre about that. That guy’s always up for talking about his gods. Maybe do it on the go, while we get out of here. Bring him along, I don’t care. Guy could probably use a little more fun in his life.”

“If you don’t want to stay, you don’t have to.”

“I know that,” Gaius says, a little more defensive than he intended. He sighs and fidgets, searching his pockets for more candy. It’s a sign of how absorbed he is that Robin doesn’t say anything about eating in the library. “Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?”

“The Grimleal.” Robin turns a page. “I’m a little curious. They… when I first heard about them, they sounded kind of familiar. I didn’t have much time while we marched on Gangrel but I’ve been looking into them lately.”

“From what I know, most of Plegia worships Grima, whether they want to or not. If that’s really where you’re from then it makes sense it sounds familiar.”

Robin doesn’t say anything. He bows his head to scan the page more carefully. Gaius swirls the sucker in his mouth around and rests his head on Robin’s shoulder, watching a couple people flit from shelf to shelf. There aren’t many others in here; most are out doing fun things, like they should be.

The clack of heels catches his attention. Maribelle crosses the room, a thick tome cradled in her arm, and she must feel eyes on her, because she looks over like he called her name. As soon as their gazes meet, she gives him the most scathing look and turns away, chin high and back straight.

“It’s no use, I can’t find anything about them.” Robin shuts the book with more force than needed and the muffled thud becomes the loudest thing in there. “It feels as if I’ve been through every book in this library and there’s nothing mentioning Grima further than his relation to Naga.”

“Well, we did just get over a war with a country that worships him.”

Robin sets his jaw and stares at the book’s cover. This must mean a lot to him. Some connection to the country he might be from or something. Go figure but Gaius really is getting soft because it tugs at his heartstrings and plays him like a fool. He closes his eyes for a moment and prays for restraint. The call goes unanswered. Libra did say something about how prayers weren’t just demands.

“Tell you what,” he says, opening his eyes. “Why don’t you and I take a little trip down to the market? I bet we’ll find things the royal library would never have.”

“I’ve already looked. There’s nothing.”

“You haven’t looked with me by your side. I’ve got sharp eyes, you know.”

Robin looks at him and tilts his head. Though his eyes are tired and unimpressed, a bit of a smile plays around his mouth. “And connections, I’m assuming?”

“I was trying to be oblique; you didn’t have to come right out and say it. Maybe you’re not as sly as I give you credit for.” Gaius gets to his feet and offers his hand. “Do we have a deal? We have to go to the theatre afterwards.”

Robin makes a big show of humming thoughtfully, stroking his chin while he considers.

“I suppose,” he sighs, placing his hand in Gaius’s.

“ _Finally_.”

They make their way for the door, Gaius telling him about the show the theatre’s been putting on lately. He’s seen it before. What he doesn’t mention is that he only saw it because nobles with heavy purses and tiny minds enraptured by pretty costumes and loud music make for easy pickings. There’s something about the side-eye and smirk Robin gives him that says he knows.

Just before they finally get out of there, they bump into Maribelle again. She gives Robin a polite nod and they exchange some quick words about the weather they’ve been having. When Robin makes to leave, Gaius stays where he is.

“Can I have a word with you, Twinkles?”

And Gods, that gaze could freeze the Plegian sands. “I suppose it wouldn’t be below me to grant you that.”

“I’ll meet you by the gate,” Gaius says to Robin, giving him a significant look.

“Alright,” he says slowly, looking between them. “I’ll be waiting.”

Thankfully they’re right by the door, or else the wait for privacy would be excruciating. But Robin’s gone in no time, and then there’s just Maribelle to deal with. She surveys him carefully.

“Does he know?”

“Of course not,” Gaius mutters.

“What a lovely foundation for a relationship.”

“Look, he’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I just–” He rubs the back of his neck. Things like this are always easier when they’re just scripts in your head. “I wanted to thank you for the other day. You saved my bacon out there.”

“It's my job to heal stricken comrades. Even you.”

“Yeah, but I'm the guy who brought false charges against your father. No one would have said boo if you let me just bleed to death.”

Maribelle clicks her tongue. “I needed you alive, unfortunately. There is something I must ask you.”

 

* * *

 

There’s a hill outside of town that Gaius likes. There’s these mushrooms that grow there and when he fries them with meat, it makes the dish sweet in a way. It’s not sugar but it’s an acceptable substitute. Even without them, the trip is always worth it. This hill’s got a good view of the capital and surrounding mountains, trees to shade him from the sun, and all the silence he could want while he shapes this taffy into little animals.

“That’s gorgeous. It looks like glass.”

“Thanks,” Gaius mumbles distractedly. He holds up his creation. “Yeah, the kids Padre visits like them. That look like a horse to you?”

“A very beautiful horse.”

“Flatterer.”

A breeze ruffles Robin’s hair and dapples him with sunlight as he smiles. With the conversation with Maribelle a couple days back playing in Gaius’s head, it’s a sight he has to look away from. The truth will come out eventually, he knows, but that doesn’t mean he can’t put that moment off.

After stealing a quick kiss, Robin settles back against the tree and opens the first book from the stack beside him. They stay like that a while, with the only noises either chirping birds, their horses snorting and grazing, or the occasional page turning. Every now and then, Robin picks up a new book. He’s not reading so much as skimming.

The books they were able to find are all old and nearly falling apart. A couple are even written in a language Gaius has never seen before, but Robin nearly emptied his pockets for them – and he would’ve, if Gaius wasn’t there to negotiate a better deal. Smart as he is, Robin’s good at reading people, but he’s still never had to deal with the shifty types that run the black market. Criminals and thieves. Gaius’s people.

“Oh,” Robin breathes.

“What’s up?”

“Um… nothing.” He bends his knees, angling the book so Gaius can’t see.

“No, what?” Gaius puts his taffy down and crawls over to peer upside-down at the book. “Oh.”

Six eyes stare back. Taking up most of one page is the exact mark that’s on Robin’s hand, which he hides in his sleeve and crosses across his stomach.

“What’s it mean?”

“I don’t know, I can’t read this,” Robin mutters. “I don’t know this language, I don’t even recognize it. I can’t…” He lets out a sharp breath and when he speaks again, it’s a little more composed. “There are eyes in all the books but the designs are different, like those the Plegian dark mages wear. This is the only one that’s exactly like mine. But it doesn’t matter. It all comes down to the same thing. I was Grimleal.”

While Robin glares at the book like he’ll be able to get any more information from it, Gaius stares at him, letting his eyes rove over his face and taking in every minute detail as if he doesn’t already know it by heart. Long eyelashes and pink lips. Smooth skin without a single freckle or scar, the only blemish being the one on his hand. It makes him look like a doll. Almost inhuman.

“That was always a given, wasn’t it?” he asks slowly. “We knew that from the beginning, Bubbles. If you’re Plegian, then–”

“I _know_ that. I thought - I hoped maybe it was something else, but this just confirms it. There’s a difference between paying lip service and – and _this_. To go so far as to tattoo a symbol into my skin? Only a fanatic would – _ah_!” Robin’s eyes squeeze shut and he presses the heel of his palm to his forehead. Another migraine. “Dammit… _dammit_!”

“Easy,” Gaius coos. He hooks his fingers around Robin’s wrist and gently tugs his hand away. “Just take it easy, it’s alright.”

He shuts the book and tosses it with the others, pulling Robin against his chest. One hand cradling his head and stroking his cheek, the other finds Robin’s, the marked one, and laces their fingers together. Another breeze blows, covering the sun with clouds. Birds chirp, their horses graze, and eventually Robin squeezes his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m alright.”

“It’s okay if you aren’t.”

Robin doesn’t say anything.

“All I mean is – not that our situations are completely the same or anything, but I know what it’s like to have a past that maybe isn’t the cleanest.” Gaius closes his eyes and rests his cheek on top of Robin’s head. His soft hair tickles and smells faintly of that fancy Chon’sin soap they found in the market the other day. And Gaius tells him. He tells him everything about Maribelle’s father and what he did to him, all while Robin listens silently. “So… I’m not gonna tell you that whoever you were before doesn’t matter; it got you to where you are. But it doesn’t define where you can go from here.”

Robin turns his head and hides his face against Gaius’s chest, his slow exhale warming the fabric of his shirt. The hand not in Gaius’s slips around his waist.

“Where _we_ can go from here,” he says softly, and damned if that doesn’t get Gaius’s heart fluttering.

“Yeah,” he somehow manages. “You and me, together.”

There’s more to say. There might even be a big speech that Gaius has gone over more than once in the bath, along with designs for a ring, but sometimes Robin has this effect that leaves him tongue-tied. All he can do is lift Robin’s mark to his lips and kiss it gently.


End file.
